• Here’s where I stand right now.
  • We’re just over a week into the nightmare.
  • I am anxious. I am angry.
  • And I am exhausted.
  • I am too tired to type coherent paragraphs, and so these bullet points.
  • I am becoming too tired to be angry. For the first time since November 9, I find myself asking, “What comes next? What comes after the rage”
  • For the past three months, I have been seething with volatile rage at any number of targets. Trump. Trump Voters. Bernie. Bernie voters. Non-voters. James Comey. Fox News. Anybody who said, “Yeah, but she’s just as bad!” America in general. I exploded at some very dear friends shortly after the election because they wanted to talk about how Democrats lost by not reaching out to working-class whites.
  • The anxiety and rage are all-consuming. I’m not sure what’s left inside of me to burn.
  • I am mentally, emotionally, psychologically weary. My spirit is wheezing.
  • And yet the hits keep coming. His Cabinet of Deplorables. The tweets. The Executive Orders. The assault on Muslims and refugees. The rabid anti-intellectualism. The aggressive dishonesty and insecurity. I can barely pull myself to my feet before another brick comes crashing down.
  • The anger won’t sustain. And so I find myself wondering what comes next.
  • I am inspired by Marches around the world. They are important. And they’re working. It feels like a political re-awakening, millions of people staking their claim to a wayward democracy. Reminding both Trump and ourselves of the political imperative to resist.
  • I love how much it gets under his skin.
  • But I hate how much it seems to embolden him. His impulse is to retaliate. He is bulldozing through with his agenda, and I feel more and more powerless every day.
  • I feel powerless because so much of the resistance depends on Congressional Republicans, who have proven themselves time and again to be worthless.
  • A million snowflakes can become a blizzard.
  • But we still need Congressional Republicans to oppose this man at some point.
  • November 2018 seems like such an eternity from now.** What to do until then?
  • I like the idea of boycotts. Divesting. In a country as obsessed with capitalism as this one, dollars can often talk sense into people.
  • (Someone on Facebook suggested not paying any federal taxes. I’m into it.)
  • It isn’t much, but it’s something. It’s something.
  • Here’s the truth: unless Congressional Republicans or even Republican Statehouses start pulling their heads out of their asses, much of our progress from the last decade is wide exposed for pillaging.
  • Yes, we need to protect what we can. Circle the wagons. But we’re going to lose to battles. We can try to minimize the carnage.
  • I find myself wanting to retreat. Dig an underground bunker for my family and hide there until the midterms.
  • (Will we even be able to make it past the midterms? The same forces that hobbled Hillary will still be at work. I saw tweets from women who skipped the March because they thought it would be pro-Hillary. The saddest thing about this nightmare is how easily avoidable it was.)
  • So, so weary.
  • But I’m not alone.
  • When I posted my question about rage on Facebook, so many people responded with messages of hope, and action, and comfort, and solidarity.
  • I am grateful for people who help carry me when I feel incapable of carrying myself.
  • I am grateful for my husband, who endures immeasurable ranting from me at home, so that I can pretend to be a calm, composed human being in public.
  • I am grateful for midterm elections. The founding fathers may have been racist slaveowners, but damn they knew their checks and balances.
  • I am grateful for my puppy dog, who still finds a way to make me smile.
  • And that’s where I find myself, just about a week into this mess.
  • Exhausted, but not out.
  • We should keep tabs on each other, offer a status check every once in a while, make sure we’re all still here, still breathing.
  • So how are you doing?


** And, really, why wait until 2018? There are folks up for election this year. We have to start treating every race, especially local races, as vital, because they are.

3 Comments Status Check

  1. Tanya Andrasko

    I’m feeling disappointed that I couldn’t physically be at the marches due to illness and my treatment. Those women missed the point of the March. We cannot dwell on the past: forward only. Yes, status checks are important so that we don’t experience resistance fatigue. Too, I’m pleased to see that you’re coming around on the divesting/boycotting scheme: hit ’em where it hurts the most! In their balls’ side front pocket!

  2. MIna

    Stonewall Rally, this Saturday at 2pm at Stonewall, NYC. I feel powerless too because we don’t have enough numbers to outvote these maniacs. Encourage your friends not to travel to the US. Tourism is one of our biggest revenues and a boycott could have an impact. I also think Straight women should not sleep with their male partners until we have the right to choose. Worked in Lysistrata. Get creative people. Thanks Colin for the words.


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